Waves
Ah the ebb and flow of all things.
Love, faith, motivation, money, health. Up one day, down the next. We’re in the flow and we’re out of it.
Is there anywhere that fluctuations in the quality of our experience shows up more vividly than in our relationships? Perhaps not. We want consistency and emotional security - yet we also want and need growth. I don’t know about you but much of the time I forget that these two are externally incompatible. That is to say that for growth to happen there must be disruption of the established patterns and status quo. Life can get messy on the outside when one or more people in a relationship decides to grow and change. They stop being, or we stop being “the way we were” and if we only react to surface appearances, we can feel destabilised or betrayed.
But what about on the inside? Does loving someone such as our teenage child or our partner mean we must be knocked off centre mentally and bruised emotionally whenever the messiness of growth is happening?
Realistically if we feel and care deeply, then being in relationship with anyone- especially our teenager who is in a time of transition (read constantly changing) means there’s probably no avoiding being shaken up by change. We needn’t however, be destroyed by the turbulence of growth cycles - if we have the will to practice skills that allow us to remain anchored within to something stronger than our own capricious egos.
Learning to parent our own inner child, to look through the lens of mindful non-judgemental awareness, to allow for honest vulnerability and forgiveness in relationships- and to actively calm and nurture our own nervous systems when we’re stressed-
It’s all learnable and doable.
Saying we don’t have time for practices such as self-awareness, meditation, or being part of a group or community where people actively support each other, is a bit like saying “I only have time to fall apart over and over with each new growth crisis”
It’s not whether change happens- it’s when. We can learn to be anchored by a deeper peace inside of us moment by moment. We can heal.
by Wende Jowsey
EPIC welcomes member input. Let us know your coping strategies or struggles. What has helped you on your journey with your teen? here.
