The heavy weight of judgement
Where do you start when discussing judgement?
As a parent it can be ingrained from the birth of your first child. Are you breast or bottle feeding? Is your child walking at the right age? Can they read before they start school? If not, what did you do wrong as a parent?
Enter the parent of a teenager in crisis. These parents are watching their teenager unravel and follow a very different path to the one mum and dad had planned.
Parenting doesn’t come with a manual; however, it does come with a large dose of judgement from everywhere.
If you’re not a parent in crisis, then you may be a judgmental parent. It’s natural to judge until you find yourself becoming ‘that’ parent looking at your child in a police cell, or in hospital bed with alcohol poisoning, or in front of the school principal being suspend, again.
The weight of judgement can be heavy on the shoulders of parents going through these experiences.
According to her article on SBS Voices, Tania Gomez commented that “The majority of parents are simply trying to do parenting the best way they know how. And that’s all any of us could hope for.”
Teenagers in crisis, whether its substance abuse, anxiety, self-harming, criminal acts, or school refusal, are behaving in unexpected ways and for many that is seen by other parents as inappropriate. Naturally, blame has to be passed, and that falls with the parents who are obviously not disciplining their teenager, or giving them too much freedom, or spending too much time away from the home due to work, or simply just neglecting their child.
It’s easy to judge until it’s your son or daughter.
How do you stop feeling judged? It starts with you.
Stop being your own critic. You know the effort you’ve put into guiding your child down the route you felt was best. We don’t have crystal balls and often these behaviour changes can blindside parents.
Practice empathy and kindness.
Find a group of likeminded parents for support or seek help from a family/youth counsellor to help put your experience in to context and develop techniques to manage the relationship with your teenager.
Take control of what you have power over. Let go of what you can’t control (easier said than done, but very empowering).
Be kind to yourself. Practice self-care and try to find time to do things you know bring you joy.
For more resources and organisations to connect with for support visit the resources page to find a list of helpful organisations for parents struggling with their teenager.
Have you experienced judgement or perceived judgement? We would love to hear your thoughts on this article. Send us an email or click the button:
