A mother’s plea: Letter to MP, March 2024

I believe that the story needs to be heard as there any many parents in the area, who are struggling with disengaged children, suffering from a culmination of missing school during covid, and unable to cope with todays issues with social media, lack of mental health help and drug & alcohol abuse.

My son is 15 years old, diagnosed with ADHD at 8 years old and was originally medicated with some success. In the final year of primary school he was beginning to struggle with his behaviour and conform to the expectations of the school day. Covid came along, and with the period of schooling at home, was unable to concentrate at home with school work, refused to take ADHD medication and became left behind in his work. It was at this point that his self esteem plummeted and behaviour issues emerged.

On his return to Secondary School his behaviour escalated to fights in school, intimidating teachers, disrupting classes, stealing, drug taking (weed, nitrous oxide, Xanax, rikodeine - also known as Lean, purple drink, and ice), alcohol abuse (Whiskey and Rum). Managing his behaviour at home became impossible, he would stay out all night, antagonise the police, taking drugs and drinking in public parks, he was and is a public nuisance. He steals from shops, and runs around doing as he pleases. 

He has had multiple interactions with police, with children's court attendances, and juvenile detention. The police took out an AVO to protect myself from domestic violence and assault.

My son has threatened suicide on multiple occasions, twice has resulted in a hospital short stay, both times he left after a day, as he knows the right things to say to get himself released. The last incident was this Monday, when he climbed onto the roof of his dads house and threatened to jump. He was cleared by the paramedics and a mental health worker, as again he knows what to say, he is underneath it all a bright boy. 

There are multiple support groups that I have been in contact with, support has been offered to my son. Yet he is a disengaged 15 year old who will not engage voluntary with the mental health help he needs. He has been seen by a hospital team who summarised him as being psychotic, unable to have linear thinking, severely depressed and is such a complex case, needs to be an inpatient at a psychiatric hospital for him to receive the help he needs. However, this is voluntary, the law does not allow an under 18 child to be forcibly placed in a psychiatric hospital. And here lies the issue, my son is too young to understand the danger that he is to himself and others, his behaviour is not normal, and that his mental health is severely compromised. I know in my heart my son will become one of the statistics of young men dying by suicide in his early 20s. The sad part is that I have already accepted that this is the path in life that will happen.

My son as from Monday is now homeless, living in local bushland, he is unable to reside at my house due to the AVO conditions.

My son needs intervention to be admitted into a psychiatric ward, yet the law will not allow this to happen as he is under 18, and hence needs to be voluntary. The children's court cannot and are not willing to mandate it. The other services have their hands tied.

The law needs to change for mental health intervention for children under 18. The statistics state the biggest killer of young men is not road deaths as I thought, but suicide.

Please can you elevate the issue on mental health, and for complex cases of children under 18, the need for involuntary mental health intervention.

Please help, I am desperate.

Written by a courageous, loving mother.

Update: May 2024

Letters of reply from the NSW Minister for Homelessness, Mental Health and Youth and her Local Member have been recieved. The replies are not included in here.

Below is the letter of response to these replies. The identiy of the mother will remain anonymous for the safety of the mother and her family. It is an emotional read. Please call EPIC for peer support if you would like to discuss any concerns you have.

Mothers reply: Reply to MP

Thank you for your response and the time taken to follow this up. I can confirm that the youth mental health service contacted me, and we had a conversation about their services. We had originally been referred to the service, however, my son will not engage.

Your response arrived six days ago in my email, and whilst some time was needed on my part to digest the content, I am sure you were assured that all is well. There were follow up calls received by me from the appropriate services, the right process had been followed as it should be. It was prompt and reassured me that my story had been heard, and your office had taken the correct action.

However, six days in the life of a mother with a mentally unwell child, is a whirlwind fluctuating cycle of disaster. A disaster that I try to hide from my neighbours (who complain, and issue me with strata by-law breaches at every opportunity), my work (continuing to work as if all is well at home) and the two remaining friends who I gloss over the details (they just have the highlights, or rather the lowlights).

My week:

Wednesday night April 24th: My son had a confrontation with his father, the details are lacking from my ex-husband. The police were called to his home and consequently the ambulance. The first I hear that something is amiss; my son calls me at 8.20pm so distraught he is virtually incoherent. But what I do hear is: “Every night I am at dads I want to hurt myself”, “I am going to kill myself”. After getting his location (he was hiding behind a local building), I text this to the police so that they can go and pick him up. This was so hard for me as he was crying that he did not want to go back to juvenile or to a ‘boys’ home’. I was on the phone to him whilst I had to pick his older brother from training to drop him off at his dads. I then went to the location where he was hiding. When I arrived, I found him a mess, sitting on the ground outside, handcuffed. When the police arrived earlier, he was in a heightened state, admitted to having a knife in his rucksack, and he deliberately banged his head on the wall. The police who are familiar with my son (and thank goodness they are), understood the antagonistic relationship with his father, and due to the exhibited behaviour on the night, they actioned a section 22 and he was taken to the local hospital. The police did an incredible job that night deescalating a situation, working with him, and reassuring him into a calmer state till he was safely transported with the ambulance team.

Thursday morning April 25th: My son has been assessed through the night by the ER team at the local hospital and is released into the care of the community health care team. I pick him up at 9am and take him back to his dads where he is allowed to live. The AVO conditions for my protection (due to domestic violence), meant he is unable to reside at any address where I live or visit my workplace. His father refuses to have him home that morning and goes to the Police station to report that he will no longer have our son in his house.

Thursday afternoon April 25th: Being Anzac Day there are no services open. I make the decision as a mother that my son will have to come home with me. His options are limited, there are no friends who will take him (his history of larceny, drug taking, and violence are off putting), he can sleep on the streets, or he lives with me. The consequences of him living with me is that he is now in breach of his AVO conditions. My son is now home with me……

Friday day April 26th: The day is a continual stream of phone calls to find emergency accommodation. This is against his wishes and without his knowledge. What I do find out though is that his case manager at DCJ is closing his file as he is no longer considered a child at risk. I am strongly advised by the case worker at the Benevolent Society that he cannot stay with me due to his AVO conditions. It is suggested that I find a motel to put him up. My son is 15 years old; I am not comfortable with his behaviour and mental health challenges he should be living on his own. Again, I make the decision that I shall keep him at my apartment, against the recommendations of the services, yet he is my child, and there are no other options.

Sunday morning April 28th: I am woken up at 6am by a fracas in my son’s bedroom, I go to investigate and rather than going into all the details, which culminate in him climbing off my balcony (seventh floor), swinging both legs over the barrier, the last thing I saw and heard before everything became a blur was him leaning forward and him saying I am going to kill myself. All I remember is screaming, somehow diving and grabbing both my hands round his waist and pulling him back. We fell back onto the balcony decking……. Police and ambulance arrived, again he was again under a section 22.

Again, he was later released from the local hospital as he does not meet the criteria check list for an involuntary admittance to a mental health unit.

As I lie in bed this morning, unable to get up, even though my son will be taken to Children Court this morning at 9.30am, I think to myself: Should I go? Or maybe it would have been easier if we had both gone over the balcony. This nightmare would now be at an end, and we would both have peace.

Written by a courageous, loving mother.

ADD YOUR VOICE. Please send your experiences to EPIC so we can add gravity to this plea. Changes need to be made for the safety of our young people. It takes a village. Let’s be the village.

Email EPIC here or call us on 0426 425 164